Dear Marley,

You’re probably right, but that is why I dove in. I don’t know how to ask the correct questions to bridge the conversation. I’m not sure that most white people who truly care and want to bridge this horrendous gap know how to do that. Black lives to matter.

I don’t know how to begin to repair what Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy began when I was a young woman. I am not that smart. I do know that until we have these conversation nothing good can ever come for any of us. My point in writing what I wrote was to say, help us please understand. At least those of us who really want to change things and make them better. Criticizing President Biden, when he’s what we have (which I see as being a blessing given the past five years we have endured) is worthy of support.

Racism is a cancer on our country. It is a cancer all over the world. To feel that any one person is better, or that appearance matters more than integrity and heart, is simply feeding the cancer. I really appreciate your comment and do not take it lightly. It educated me. It helped me. It made me even more aware. But please do not categorize me as “one of those ignorant white people.” Unaware yes. But deeply aware that I have more to learn. If we were all blind, could not see one another, we would be far more receptive to our differences. We would not hold prejudices and hatred in our hearts. Oppressed people around the world are justified in their pain, but pain only matters if something positive comes from it. I would ask you to help me understand. I do not judge your message, I simply want to be part of the solution. Not mamby pamby, but offer up my ignorance to the light. I would ask for your compassion for anyone who is courageous enough to take their inexperience into the light. We cannot do this alone.

Please also know that I am doing my best. I study Emmanuel Acho’s work, Isabel Wilkerson, Pete Souza, Robin Deangelo, and others. The heart can only speak what it understands … and though slow … many of my friends are truly making an effort to clean out the tar of hidden conditioning. This is going to take time.

When I was 11 years old I lived in Alabama, moving from the west coast for a summer, and witnessed a white store owner willing to shoot a young black man for trying to buy a pack of gum. That experience terrified me and has haunted me my whole life. I hope I live long enough to see this all change …

Thank you for engaging with me. I truly do appreciate it and understand your contempt and anger.

Candace